RACCOON

Everyone knows about my constant problems with those damn possums that frequent our back yard.
 These are same damn possums that my wiener dog thinks he can out smart. I am pretty sure Rufus has yet to catch on, to the possum’s silly little games of “Playing Dead”.






So the other night my daughter comes into my room, it must have been around midnight. At this time of night, I am dead to the world (since most of the time I am in bed asleep by 8pm). So she does one of those “kid” things, where they tip toe over very quietly into my room right up next to my bed and then she just stood there really close to my face. Waiting, for what I don’t freakin know. But then you get that feeling someone is watching you and I woke up. It scared the holy crap out of me.






So my daughter says, “mom, there is someone outside in our trash can” (BTW, our trashcan is one of those huge ones with a lid. It also sits outside our house.)






As I lay there trying to focus my eyes and wake up, I’m thinking that I’m pretty sure that I know what is out there. After a few minutes, I finally get up and walk into her room. I crack open her window as we are both looking out into the night I say, “Hey you , get out the fuck out” and wouldn’t you know that a raccoon jumps out from under the lid and hauls his ass across the yard and across the street.






No foul, no harm, right? I go back to bed and all is good in the world again.






Until the next morning, I get up and I am all tired and grouchy. So I tell my sportsman about the issue and how important my sleep is. Of course he didn’t hear anything. Why is that? Cause he is still freakin sleeping in the spare bedroom. So now I have told him about the problem it is all on him to take care of this issue.






I also shared with a co worker about this problem (his kids are in boy scouts) he suggest that my sportsman and my son go out there and pee all over the ground by the trashcan. You know to mark their territory. LMAO






Um, so I forgot to tell my sportsman, but regardless I don’t know if that would have helped or not.






Anyways, I was wrong to think this was an isolated incident. The next night I was woke at 2 am by those damn raccoons in the can again. It sounded like they were having a freakin party in there. Lid up, lid down, lid up, lid down. OMG.






Yelling out the window obviously does not work. I however was NOT going out there in my undies to yell at them. Who knows what a raccoon will do if its startled and I had no desire to freakin find out, also it’s too cold outside this time of year to be running around in your undies. (not that I’m worried about my neighbors, they are used to us running around half naked in the yard)

So, what did I do? I just layed there in bed, not sleeping, but thinking of what I could do. I am sure part of it was, I was really tired.

My mind was in a dream state.
I thought, hmmm my son has an air soft rifle, maybe I could stick that thru the screen and shoot in the general vicinity? No? Maybe I could get a pan of hot water and throw it thru the window? No? Maybe I could use an air horn to scare the shit out of them. No?



Well in the end I didn’t do a damn thing,
 cause I fell back asleep.






I will now have to “Bing” it to see what you’re supposed to do when you have raccoons in your can.
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