Traveling for sanity

The guy.
The same guy, that I see
e v e r y single day.
The same one that,
I hear his heavy breathing in the night (aka snores like a freight train).
The man who looks at me with such love, longing, and desire e v e r y time he sees me.
The very guy that I've considered divorcing recently.
This special someone who has been here all along,
waiting
for
me.
 W a i t i n g


 patiently for ME to come back to HIM.
 To be HIS wife. Again.
I quit thinking of him in that way some time ago. 
This weekend he asked me to come away with him. 
I was reluctant of course.
I have spent most of my days and nights avoiding him.
Just getting thru the day, without really spending any time with him. Isn’t as easy as one would think.  However I have become pretty good at just shutting down all my feelings.
So here we are…………………


 He asked me to come away, to his alumni basketball tourney.
 I could of said no.
 but I didn’t.
I said yes.
I know it seems just freakin crazy.  but this last week has been a very stressful/emotional time in my life. 
Totally not right, but what the fuck can you do.
But just roll with it.
He was here for me the whole time.
Offering advice.  A shoulder to cry on. Sometimes just sitting with me in silence.
Always knowing just what I needed and when.
How could I not say yes.  What could it hurt. 
He needed/wanted support.
I owed it to him. Right?
For all he has done for me over the last 10 years.
He has been the model husband. Really he has.
So I went away with him.
As a friend, to support him.
To be honest I would have never guessed what would have happened.
I watched him play many games. He really is a great basketball player. Very athletic.
Very driven to succeed.  It made me smile.  That I knew this person.
So,
We stayed at his parent’s house.  Most of our time was spent at the HS for the basketball games. 
We went out to the bar the first night with our mutual friends.
Who had just come back from a trip to Mexico. This couple was also aware that we were having problems. But the conversations were carefree and happy. Alcohol can do that. Make things simple.
They went on and on about how amazing their trip was. They told us that we should take a trip together. To this really cool place in Colorado.  I humored them. I listened, I pretended that I was really taking it all in. The information they were sharing.
 When really is was the furthest thing from my mind. To take a long trip with him.No way.
By the time we got back to his parents house, it was late. I was very tired.  I just wanted to sleep.
We slept in the same bed. Not wanting to alarm his parents about our recent issues.
I laid there trying to sleep but my mind wouldn’t turn off.   I had actually been listening to all the words our friends were saying. When we were out at the bar. Subconsciously, I suppose.
I laid there in the dark, longing to have that happy life.
Remembering the last time we took a trip together. Actually the last several trips.
One to a small town winery, where we stayed in a cute little bed and breakfast.  The other was a hot springs resort where we had couples massages.
It made me kinda sad to think about these things.  We always had a good time together.
Why was I making things so difficult? Why was I putting so much emphasis on the sex?
When did I stop liking "it" with him? Was it because of the other "HIM"? 
I continued to lay there in the dark, trying to think back, at what point did I become unsatisfied with our sex life. and choose to walk away from 10 years of marriage. and cheat.
I finally dozed off, when I felt him cuddle up behind me. “Spooning” is what I think it’s called.
It felt kinda nice.
I have been so emotionally drained lately that it felt good to be held. To be touched.
He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.  It all came back to me in an instant.
The smell of his breath, the warmth of his touch, and the hardness of his cock up against my back.
It all rushed back to me.  What was I doing? I needed him. I think I want him again.  Maybe I was wrong. I just don’t know. Was ut the alcohol talking? I was so confused.
He started kissing my neck, and to say that I didn’t respond to the touch of his lips would be a total lie.
I was immediately aroused. Come on people its been awhile. And I’ve had all those sexual dreams lately.  Besides the toys can only do it for sooooo long, without needing the real deal.
 It had been a awhile since we had been together in this capacity.
I didn’t even think about it or analyze it.
I just let go.
I allowed him to touch me.  I allowed him to make love to me.
It was the best sex that we’ve had in a very long time.  No thinking, just doing.
There were no performance problems.  It just all worked.
I woke the next morning, wondering if it had all been a dream. I was after all very tired.
but then I looked over and he was still curled up next to me.
and of course I was naked.
As I lay there in the early hours of the morning, in the back of my mind was “the other guy”.
Can I let go? Do I have to let go? Do I wanna let go?
I’m not sure about what happened this weekend  or that maybe it was my reality check.
Maybe I should just roll with it.
I was happy after all.
for
a
moment.



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